My internship has reduced the amount of time that I spend with my daughter. Three weeks ago I spent 24 hours with her-minus her 10 hours of sleep and 2 hours of school-and now I only see her for 30 minutes on a daily account. I learnt that last Friday she locked our cat in the refrigerator for more than 20 minutes and stood there waiting to see if it would open the door or shiver from cold. Luckily enough my mother was our cats hero and opened the refrigerator door saving the day. I honestly would have felt bad if that cat died. I love it and how comfortable we are together. Elizabeth’s best friend.
Anyway this morning I thought how great it was to be a kid. You did everything that sounded reasonable to you. You experimented with all the kitchen ingredients you came across and then ate that mixture. Amazingly getting sick was a wonder so the only thing your mum had to was administer dewormers and you are good to go.
Now am all grown up, I wish I could re-live those moments at times. You get home so tired from sitting, being creative, meeting deadlines, nasty bosses, hungry tummy and a smelly makanga and then you find a dirty untidy house waiting for you. As a child all you did was make a mess for someone else to clean. After all you are just a child. If you make a mess now who will clean it for you?
I miss the sleeping-much moments and waking-up-late moments and when exams were all about colouring squares and circles and guessing the right multiple choice answer. How great was that? Grown up exams require more than just reading notes and sitting for the exams, it feels like a professor trainee programme and when you fail the exam then you are just stupid or lazy or you do not research enough.
I am scared of everything. And what makes it scarier is that no lie can take away that fear and no person will hold you and make you feel the fear slip away. Those fears are in your mind the moment you wake up. Honestly, the fear of insecurity grips me every single day. Am happy that my daughter does not have an idea of what is going wrong and she still lives happily and bubbly. I just want her to savor every great thing about childhood.